Everyone who has used Clojure for more than 5 minutes realizes that it's the best thing since puppies and double rainbows. So why hasn't it dominated the programming landscape? And, more importantly, what is it going to take to make everyone else realize what many of us already have? This talk outlines plans, strategies, and plots to finally get the rest of the world up to date. For your convenience, I tag each idea with #hashtag to facilitate arguments over drinks later