Dave McAllister's session from Monitorama PDX 2024. "Lies, damned lies and statistics." While true, only statistics allows you to lie to yourself. Let's explore how statistics can sometimes trick us into believing something that's not true. This isn't always done on purpose; often, we mislead ourselves without realizing it. We'll look at how focusing too much on recent events, choosing specific data to look at, and making assumptions about the size of a group can lead us to the wrong conclusions. We'll dissect common practices like the misuse of graphical representations, the confusion between correlation and causation, and the manipulation of scale and averages. These practices, often overlooked or misunderstood, can result in false indicators, misleading correlations, and distracting information. Through real-world examples, we demonstrate how these statistical pitfalls can shape narratives, influence decisions, and impact public opinion. This presentation aims to teach you how to look at statistics more critically, understand their limits, and avoid fooling yourself with numbers.